


We’ll come back around

by kstarlight



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Feelings, Han Jisung | Han is a Mess, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, Lack of Communication, Lack of reciprocation, M/M, Minho is worried, One-Sided Relationship, Overworking, Promises, Sad Ending, Sad Lee Minho | Lee Know, kind of, taking a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:54:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26533225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kstarlight/pseuds/kstarlight
Summary: Minho keeps holding on, but Jisung’s grip keeps getting looser.They keep going in circles.“You’ve said this before and where do we go from here? We go in circles..”
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	We’ll come back around

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration from the song Circles by Max. I literally wrote/edited this in two hours because I keep listening to this song and thinking about Minsung.. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!

It's another late night in the city, and Jisung's finally heading home at the ungodly hour of two in the morning. He's too tired to check his phone, which he knows is a bad idea because his boyfriend must've texted or called him earlier. By this time he's probably sleeping however, so he doesn't think replying now would make a big difference.

He hopes Minho is sleeping. The older has looked stressed lately and Jisung doesn't really know why. They haven't had very compatible schedules to get the chance to talk about it though, so he hasn't pushed and is waiting for Minho to come to him instead. But when he does go to Jisung it isn't about himself, it's only to badger concern about the youngers work ethic and offer gentle reminders that he should take a break sometime soon. Minho says he misses him. 

Jisung misses his boyfriend too, but he's been busy lately and it hasn't been easy to dwell on it much. He's worried that makes him selfish, and he's thinking about how to be better about it, but  _thinking_ about making a difference and _trying_ to  do actually something  are not the same. The lack of reciprocation isn't fair to his boyfriend, unfortunately, and he knows it. 

When he gets home the apartment lights are on at their dimmest setting, and the kitchen smells like the comfort of homemade cooking. It hits him that Minho said he was making dinner because it's Friday and—  _shit,_ Jisung totally forgot.

He turns to the entranceway of the living room frantically, and he feels a strike of nervousness shoot through him at the sight of Minho sitting on the couch with his knees up to his chest and his phone at hand, scrolling through his messages absently.

"Hyung," Jisung frowns. "It's late, why are you up?"

"Why didn't you come home?" Minho asks. His words are sharp and to the point, but his tone quivers. He sounds drained . 

Jisung wanders across the floor, steps slow and uneven like he's stalling. He sighs.

"I was working late again. I got another idea for a track, and 3racha have deadlines to meet, hyung, I told you," Jisung clenches and unclenches his hands, nails digging into his palms out of anxiousness. "I know I said I'd be home tonight, I'm so sorry I wasn't, but I'm here now! Plus it's Friday so we have all weekend, I'll make it up to you-"

"No," Minho's voice startles and shakes Jisung to his core. "I don't want you to make it up to me, Jisung, I just—" He stops, eyes darting around the room as he contemplates. His boyfriend watches with wide eyes and parted lips. Minho's never one to be confrontational, but tonight he seems past his limits.

"I just want you to be around, Jisung," Minho's voice cracks, and that seems to be the final straw.

Jisung shoots forward and kneels down in front of him, placing his hands on the olders knees. He looks up into his face, finding his expression so pitiful and distraught. 

Jisung knows Minho supports him no matter what he does, and he too works just as hard when it comes to his dedication to dance. But he never shuts Jisung out, and he rarely pushes himself too far before the younger can convince him to take a break and relax. Jisung can't imagine he'd be very happy if Minho and him were in opposite places, and he tries to understand that now.

"I'm sorry, baby. I am, and I promise I'll be better. I get it, I really do, and it's not fair to you for me to keep doing this."

Minho looks indifferent to the apology. He's heard it too many times lately, every time it's only been water pushed under the bridge and nothing followed through. He can't take it anymore.

"You've said this before and where do we go from here? We go in circles, Jisung." 

Minho stands up, careful not to knock Jisung over in the process, he does his best to avoid him and march over to the front door. Jisung watches in awe, the weight of everything settling high above his shoulder. It's only now that he even realizes the older has an overnight bag in hand. His heart seizes, but he can't find his voice to say anything. 

Minho grabs his keys off the table, playing absently with one of the New York City keychain on his keyring. It's one Jisung bought him from one of their first vacations when they were in university, the memory of bright summer days and two carefree teens wandering a new city comes back to his mind, unbelievably bittersweet.

Minho bites his lip. "I want us to work this out, but I can't be the only one who tries and wants to fix things. I'm tired, not of you, never of you but of this.. this distance."

" Hyung,"  Jisung pleads, his eyes are filling with fountains of regret. All he can think of is the bag clutched in the olders hand. "Please don't leave me."

"I don't want to leave you," Minho doesn't miss a beat or even blink, just stares straight at the younger. Though his expression seems cold his eyes encompass so much warmth and longing. His breath shudders. "I'm just..."

"Mad at me?" Jisung whispers.

"Mad at  _us_ ,"  Minho corrects. He grips his keys tightly in his left hand, and though he's trying to level his emotions he can't do anything to stop the tear that suddenly slips down his cheek. 

Jisung takes a step forward on instinct, his hand reaching out, and then he stops. He isn't sure he has to right to comfort Minho right now, no matter how badly he wants to.

"I'm mad at us because I don't think that together we are doing enough to fix what's wrong," Minho raises his hand and uses the sleeve of his sweatshirt to wipe the tears away. "I think we need a break."

Jisung's heart sinks like an anchor thrown aimlessly in the sea. There's nowhere to go but down. He's falling.

"What?" 

Minho squeezes his eyes shut. It hurts. Everything about this does. 

"I need a few days to clear my mind, to think, Jisung."

The younger stands there, frozen in time. He shouldn't be feeling so upset when he's the one who's been working overtime so often, making promises to Minho that he can't keep, shutting the older out even when he tries so hard to pull him closer. They live in the same apartment and it feels like they haven't properly talked in days, and of course when they would again it's resulting in this.

"Minho hyung, please, can't we talk about this?" Jisung knows he doesn't deserve it, but he's terrified of losing Minho, deathly afraid of knowing he didn't fight hard enough like the older said they weren't. 

"I've tried," Minho chokes, the urge to sob and release all these pent up emotions is getting the best of him. "You always say you're listening and then you do it again. You don't eat enough, you don't come home, you don't answer your phone. I try to be patient and understand and support you, but I can't support  us,  because it's like there isn't an  us  anymore!" His chest rises and falls and his tears keep flowing. "Y-you're never even around..."

Jisung's throat collapses in on itself. He sees how much Minho really has been impacted by all of this. The older looks like he hasn't slept properly in days. Very dark bags sit under his eyes, his body carries itself sluggishly, and there's only dullness and heartache in his usually mischievous bright eyes. Those eyes Jisung loves so much. 

Minho's right. Jisung is rarely around, and he hasn't taken the time to even check up on the older in return when he practically lets his world revolve around ensuring the younger is okay— something he often doesn't even get a response to. 

"I don't want to hurt you," Jisung takes a step forward, getting a better look at the expression on Minho's face makes a tear finally leave his eye. "I didn't mean to hurt you, hyung."

Minho shakes his head and moves back. He grips his phone, knuckles white with how hard he's holding it in attempt to steel himself from breaking down completely. 

"I'm going home for the weekend, to think," He turns his back and doesn't spare the younger another look. "We can both think about everything and then we'll talk." 

Jisung's vision is blurry, a blanket of tears rests over his eyelashes and he doesn't even blink to clear them away. He sees a watery image of Minho's back turned to him and their apartment door opening hesitantly. The older stops one last time, assessing his choice. His heart hurts. He saw the tears building in Jisung's eyes, he wants nothing more than to wipe them away and hold him, but he ultimately knows if he stays here tonight it'll only hurt him more. 

They need a small break.

"Goodnight.." He walks out, bag over his shoulder, keys in hand, and a long walk through the cool autumn night to the train station rests ahead of him. 

The moment he's gone Jisung leans over the kitchen table and cries. He hides his face in his hands, then feels a cool slab of metal touch his cheek. He pulls back and stares at the promise ring on his left ring finger, the one engraved with his and Minho's initials. His tears fall even faster. 

Jisung should've known better and tried harder from the start. These days it was always Minho making the effort and not him, and he can't imagine how much it's hurting the other. 

Maybe a few days space will be enough for him to get it together, to apologize and change everything so they can go back to the way things were before. He'd do anything for Minho. 

He'll fix this. 

Minho calls Jisung on Monday, saying he's getting an evening train back to their side of the city and he's ready to talk if he is. Jisung assures him he’s ready. 

Minho didn't ask him to wait for his arrival at the train station, but Jisung finds himself leaving the house around four pm anyways, bundled in an oversized sweatshirt with a pair of ripped jeans, which he realizes was a mistake as the temperature seems like it continues to drop as the sun starts to set during his walk there. He's shaking, not just from the cold but from nerves. He's afraid he won't be able to say the right thing when the moment comes, and that he and his boyfriend will keep running around each other aimlessly. 

Things weren't always like this, but once they'd both graduated university life got more complicated. They were always there for one another until recently, when things started becoming more one sided, and it wasn't intentional but it wasn't right, it wasn't healthy, and Jisung knows he needs to stop it.

He's thought a lot this weekend about what he wants to say, the things he swears he'll actually do to be better for himself  _and_ Minho. He knows he can't do one without the other.  But there's a 'what if' lingering in the back of his mind that taunts him as he stands on the platform, scuffing his boots into the cement. He can't help wondering if Minho will revoke what he said the other night. Maybe he will want to leave. Tonight could be the night they say goodbye. 

Jisung's thoughts stop when he hears the whistle of a train in the distance. Judging by the time it's got to be Minho. 

When the train stops before him he waits. The doors open and people rush out from every one of them. Jisung's swept into the rushing crowd helplessly, stuck in place against the life continuing to move forward. 

People hug and kiss each other hello and goodbye, couples and families all reunite around him, and he remains still. His eyes roam around for one familiar face that he can't spot amongst everyone else. And then there's a tap on his shoulder, making him turn around with a gasp.

Minho looks better, well rested, cheeks less pale and his eye bags not as prominent. But there's something still not quite right about his eyes, there's no gleam, not like how there used to be.

Jisung can't help but admire, stare, let his heart flutter like he's a giddy sophomore boy again with a crush on the mysterious dancing senior in his high school. If he could tell his past self this is where he'd be now, he doesn't think he'd believe him.

"Hyung, I- I missed you." Jisung throws caution to the wind and pulls Minho into a hug, holding him so tight like he's afraid to let go. 

Minho doesn't pull away, but he doesn'thug back, and after a few seconds it's enough for Jisung to release him, heart speeding up for different reasons now. He stares at the older, heart open and eyes vulnerable. 

"I thought about everything," Minho looks at his hands, slowly twisting his promise ring around his finger. "I don't want to leave you, Jisung... but maybe I have to."

Jisung almost doubles over.

"Minho—"

"Sungie, please, this is hard enough," Minho's crying, and he hates it, how quickly he's losing his composure. He slides his ring off completely, toying with it between his fingers. The distance between he and Jisung right now is a mere footstep apart, but it's never felt farther. Jisung watches in fear, hands trembling where they reach out to steady himself on Minho's arms. 

He thinks the universe has a sick sense of humor as the sky suddenly cracks loud and lets out a powerful whoosh of rain. It starts lightly but is quick pick up, falling over him and Minho like the clouds are crying for them. They look at one another, faces illuminated by the tacky yellow platform lights and now dripping in rain and in Minho's case, tears. 

The scene reminds him of the day he gave the older his promise ring. It was a gift for his twenty first birthday, presented to him on a cool October night where they stood in the park under a vibrant red tree, now both sporting a little silver band on their fingers. There was rain falling through the cracks between the leaves, but they just giggled against one another's mouths, kissing with so much love and passion, Jisung intertwining their ring baring hands at their sides. A promise.

The promise seems to be breaking now. Minho looks at the ring and his eyes fill to the brim with despair. He holds it out in his trembling hand for Jisung, an invitation to take it.

"I don't think you're happy," Minho exhales. "And I want you to be better for yourself before thinking of anyone else."

Jisung grips Minho's arm, rubbing over his wrists and shaking his head.

"No no, hyung please. I can be better for both of us, I want to, I'm trying to," He pleads to no avail. Minho's already taking a step back. Jisung could reach out but his hand would only reach thin air, broken promises and empty spaces. 

"Don't do this," He cries, hot tears mixing in with the cool rain hitting his face. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I love you."

"I never said I don't love you," Minho cries. "I still love you, I think I'll always love you. But we can't do this- we- we're a mess!"

"We can fix it!" Jisung tries. 

Minho opens his mouth, then closes it. They  could  but when would it finally be worth it? When would it finally work? It's been so long already, Minho wants what's best for them both. He isn't sure he can be with someone who isn't ready to be with him. 

"I think you need more time," He smiles sadly. "I want to give you time, Jisung."

"I don't want time, I want  _you_ ,"  Jisung's voice is thick with frustration. 

Minho wipes his soaked hair back from his forehead and huffs. 

"I'm going to stay with Seungmin and Hyunjin, and I'll pick some of my stuff up this week," He explains. 

Jisung's world is falling apart. He doesn't know what life is like without Minho, he doesn't remember and doesn't want to. 

Jisung just wants to go home with him. He wants to be with him, do nothing else but hold him, put his promise ring back on his finger and kiss him, tell him they'll make this work.

Minho takes a chance in their silence and steps forward, cupping Jisung's face with one hand and caressing his jaw. He closes his eyes and kisses his cheek, gentle and soft. His lips linger and he lets himself imagine this isn't goodbye, because even if it's temporary it feels horrible. Jisung tries to hold onto the feeling too, putting his hand over the olders slightly smaller one. This little moment reminds him of too many good memories, things he doesn't want to relate to  _this._

Minho pulls away and thumbs at the wetness on Jisung's face with a smile that, despite everything, makes his heart soar with so much love.

"If it's right we'll come back to each other," Minho promises, the lilt of hope in his voice makes Jisung desperate to tell him that it is right, he'll make it right. Instead he's letting Minho take the lead, he isn't fighting hard enough, everything he thought he wanted to finally say tonight escapes him and he just lets it go— that's exactly why this needs to happen.

Minho steps back, his hand falling from the youngers face. Jisung's left one still hovers over it, and his right one clutches the olders ring. 

"I love you," He whispers, though he knows the words aren't the actions to make the other stay. 

"I love you too," Minho takes his hand away. "We'll come back around. I believe in you, Sungie." 

_He believes in me_ ,  Jisung's eyes burn with fresh tears.  _And you're letting him go._

The rain and tears blur his sight again. He watches Minho turn around and move farther and farther away from him, down the platform, into the crowds of other people also heading home. It reminds him the world keeps moving, people will go on even if he isn't ready to follow.  But Jisung isn't ready to give up either, he's ready to keep going, he's willing to try.

They'll come back to each other soon. 

This cycle will go around, but by the end, it'll always be him and Minho.

**Author's Note:**

> I never really write angst.. did I do this right? Anyways, I’m sorry Minsung, I love you, but I had to run with this idea :((
> 
> As always thank you so much for reading, take care of yourselves ♡


End file.
